I,
(asking for a pause)
This comma and I stand alone.
I,
(repeat sentimental pause to consider)
am not sure how to fill the canvas, the page, the home, the stage, the conversation. And I have such a big intention to... a desire to... an inclination to...
This is when my imagination gets outside of this moment. AH! An idea comes from this moment.
A projection of uncertainty comes from imagining the next moment and if I feel uncertain right now, I will project from a place of lack. What a fabulous imagination I have. If I sit here and think about all the ways I don't know how to do whatever comes next, I will keep myself very safe, immobile even.
This won't serve my desire to advance my story beyond this moment however. Thank you reasonable self. This imagination into the future, where I don't know what will happen isn't serving me. It's stopping me.
New intention, allowing vulnerability in the present moment. However long this moment lasts, vulnerability is allowed if I need to feel it.
In the TAO: The Pathless Path, by Osho, there are a lot of words describing the kind of person who lives without considering a path. For instance, one paragraph leads the reader into practicing vulnerability... "being open to rains, to winds, to the sun, to the moon, to life, to death, to darkness, to light-- this wise man who doesn't protect himself, his vulnerability is total."
I don't want to preach, I don't even want to cite the quotation correctly. This is a focus- a mind stream from my memory and my fingers and a short journal entry where I want to reflect about this present vulnerability that I feel. I am open to feeling this.
I am open to it.
I am open to it because vulnerability holds me and champions aliveness.
Vulnerability is spontaneous. Spontaneous and necessary to perceive my place in life.
If it were relevant to judge my musings, I would ask, why do these words matter?
I would also answer:
these words matter because I exist.
I matter, I am matter... same thing right? Exist. It may not mean anything. It. I
Macro micro macaroni
It is everything. I am all and nothing and just a letter and meant to summarize my entire life- 'I' stands for...
Gandhi was quoted saying, Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.
This page, insignificant or not, will be stumbled upon and will inspire constellations of thinking thoughts.
There this page is filled. I write my thoughts and I leap through spaces typing from inside my vulnerability.
I am grateful that you are witnessing my efforts.
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